can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You ate ashes out of my bong
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
