Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
