he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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