It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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