shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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