Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
