my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize