I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
