I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sext me about skeletons
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
