WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
