You smell like stripper and shame
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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