Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
