Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
