well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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