I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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