The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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