I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
