i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
