im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
