imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
