you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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