Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
