your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
