Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
