So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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