It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
