I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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