My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i now understand why vodka
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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