You just made me feel so damn special
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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