He uses pillows to masturbate.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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