woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
