You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
