she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
