I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
