Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this just has baby written all over it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
