At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
