We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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