"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
