At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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