Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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