So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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