pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
