Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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