i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
