she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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