Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and she was petting her beer can
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
