We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
