I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
