it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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