I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
