i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
