i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
