you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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