pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
